My Coldplay.com

When something becomes big and famous, it’s usually totally acceptable for people to instantly take a dislike to it. Look at someone like Mika for example; when he burst on to the scene nobody really minded him that much. Now every time we switch on the radio we are constantly being reminded about his love for porky sized girls. Sorry, we mean curvy girls. Basically, if he has such a fetish for the larger lady, he didn’t need to make a song out of it. If we had our way about making songs out of stuff we loved, we’d be cracking out songs about Space Raider sandwiches topped off with coleslaw.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, you can reach the height of stardom and disappear so far up your own arse that you will believe that the world revolves around you. For once we aren’t talking about hypocritical hat-flyer Bono. Instead we’re on about musical preacher Chris Martin who seemingly signs up to any world problem going. Now it seems his music has pissed off the general public to the extent that they don’t want it heard anywhere. Not even in karaoke bars.

Karaoke bars were invented by the Japanese to help piss-poor singers gather together and attempt to sing. In hecklerspray’s eyes, the idea is almost like a human zoo where we can view the habitat of people who are superglued to the idea that one day they will have a number 20 hit. All sorts of people gather at these places to pretend they’re pop superstars and not students who, soon after necking too many ciders, think they can perform any song without mutilating it.

One such man took to the stage at Chances Bar and Grill in Seattle recently and started to butcher Coldplay’s whiny anthem Yellow -the song with one of the laziest videos ever. Instead of a band maybe playing in a room for the song’s duration, Yellow saw Chris Martin walking down a beach as dawn broke. Wow, not exactly pushing creative boundaries. What’s next, filming a video and then showing it in reverse? Oh wait…

Anyway, as the opening chords kicked into the song at Chances, a woman in the audience reacted in the same way that so many others have before her, by screaming “Oh no, not that song. I can’t stand that song!” At this point, some might have thought of either telling the women to sod off to another bar or - more gentlemanly switched off the song and tried something less offensive. Sadly this did not happen.

At some point Coldplay had obviously scarred this poor women so much that when she heard one of their songs, she literally exploded in a fiery ball of rage. Well, not quite, but she did march to the front of the stage, told the performer that he “sucked” and then kicked the shit out of him. A barman who we imagine was stereotypically wiping a glass with a rag as all American bartenders seem to do said:

“It took three or four of us to hold her down.”

If that was the effect that Coldplay had on someone, what would happen if the karaoke singer had tried something like Keane, Athlete, Maroon 5 or soft rock tossers The Feeling? Economic meltdown we imagine.

HecklerSpray